Work-life balance is something most of us strive for.
More and more, though, it seems that workplaces are adopting a work-life blend approach instead. While balance suggests that you put your time in at the job then leave all work responsibilities at the front door, blend implies that work and home life interplay harmoniously.
However you slice it (balance or blend), working to compartmentalize your personal and professional self can be intimidating, and perhaps even feel impossible.
This probably isn’t the first time you’re reading about boundaries. Self-care is a hot topic at conferences, in one-on-one meetings, and within student affairs group chats. What makes this post different is that I hope to empower you, rather than your institution, to sit in the driver’s seat. I hope to challenge you to process your own relationship with boundaries, utilizing suggested tools to advocate for yourself.
In other words, this isn’t just another run-of-the-mill how-to guide. We’re diving deep, so slip on your scuba fins and join me.
Your first step in developing healthy boundaries is to determine and acknowledge why they’re important to you. By taking a page out of Simon Sinek’s book and starting with the “why,” you’ll be more likely to follow through on creating and upholding your boundaries.
It’ll help to get specific. Don’t just say, “I need better boundaries because I need time to decompress.” Instead, you might try something like, “I need better boundaries because stepping away from work allows me to return to the job with greater empathy and patience.”
Once you’ve established why boundaries are important to you, consider why you struggle to maintain them. Is it because you live where you work? Or, perhaps it’s because you have a hard time saying no. Other factors might include expectations from your institution, overcommitment, goals you’re trying to achieve, and a fear of repercussion. Listing out these obstacles will prepare you to think through solutions.
Since these are some of the most common barriers standing between SA pros and a healthy balance/blend, let’s break them down one by one so you can see how you might work through them.
Even if you aren’t a live-in staff member (or continuing to work from home), perhaps you find that there is excessive overlap between your time at work and your personal schedule. You might live in a small college town or have a friend group that includes some of your colleagues.
When the professional and the personal begin to bleed into one another, it’s important to acknowledge that reality. In other words, maybe you’d really love to perfect a work-life balance, but your work circumstances require work-life blend.
If you live on campus) or your personal and professional life are inherently blended for another unmovable reason), it might be helpful to approach it with positivity rather than resentment. There are actually some fantastic benefits to work-life blend! For example, you can take your dog on a midday walk while conducting an RA one-on-one, pick up your own groceries while program shopping (not on the purchasing card, of course), or book a dentist appointment during work hours thanks to flex time.
SA pros have a whole lot of empathy. Most of us are in this field because we have servant’s hearts. But it’s essential that you serve your own heart, too.
Think about a time when your empathy got the best of you, when you felt so guilty that you sacrificed a boundary.
It’s understandable that you felt like you had to make that sacrifice but remember: it’s not necessary. You can have both; you can be empathetic and honor the boundaries you’ve established for yourself. Doing so just requires a clear assessment of the situation at hand.
When evaluating whether or not to break a boundary, ask yourself: Is this an absolute work crisis? If so, it may be worthwhile to temporarily lift the boundary to serve your students or coworkers where you’re needed. But if not, consider if you could reach a similar outcome by addressing the situation at a later time.
Similarly, you should stay attuned to whether you’re agreeing to do something outside of your boundary simply because you feel pressured to. Pressure — the kind that comes from peers and students versus essential demands and responsibilities — isn’t a good enough reason to sacrifice your wellbeing.
This barrier needs a bit of unpacking. There are certainly times when it is absolutely required of you to show up at work beyond the 9-to-5. If there are all-hands-on-deck programs, all-staff training sessions, or departmental functions that require full staff to operate, then you’ve got to be there.
But, based on my own experiences, I bet there have been times when you’ve bent over backward to meet an expectation that wasn’t actually put on you by anyone but yourself. It may seem like there are unwritten expectations you must adhere to, but it’s worth reflecting on the validity of that assumption.
For example, do incoming emails actually need to be responded to within an hour? Do you actually have to attend every one of your coworker’s or supervisee’s programs? Is your presence actually required at all campus-wide functions?
Consider evaluating these questions with your supervisor, as they should be helpful in clarifying what’s required of you and when.
I’ve noticed a recent glamorization of “hustle” and “grind” permeating our field. But, endless to-do lists and extracurricular titles don’t help us maintain boundaries. So, I challenge you to consider how you might be playing into an unhealthy culture of constant busyness by evaluating your current responsibilities to see which are essential and which are only on the list because you feel pressured to keep them there.
If it’s the latter, and the pressure is coming from students, colleagues or a supervisor, try using this language the next time they’re soliciting your help or expertise: “I have a lot on my plate right now. How would you like me to rearrange things so I can make this a priority?” That way, you aren’t adding to your already packed schedule. Rather, you’re maintaining a similar output of work that’ll keep your boundaries intact.
Goals and responsibilities are not the same thing. Goals are tied to what you want to accomplish professionally. These are the things you make time for on top of your daily responsibilities because, ideally, they give you energy rather than depleting it.
When you find those things that light your fire — like teaching a course, serving on a regional committee, or getting published in an association newsletter — they may be worth stretching your boundaries for. Spend some time thinking about what those goals might be. Then, acknowledge that if they test your ability to perfect the work-life balance, they might not be worth it.
Remember that this is your individual call to make. If the co-curricular activity brings you joy, fantastic! But if it doesn’t, don’t feel guilty about reshifting your goals.
Boundary setting starts with knowing yourself well enough to know where boundaries need to be established and when they may require you to be flexible. Take ownership of the lines you’ve drawn and communicate them clearly and humbly to your peers and supervisors.
Lastly, offer the same respect to others that you’d expect them to extend to you. Be the kind of SA pro who supports a healthy work-life balance or blend, without question.
How have you strived to create firmer boundaries? Connect with us on Twitter @themoderncampus.